I was born into a good, Christian family. From the time that I was three days old, I was in church—Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday nights, extra church events—you name it; my family was there. As a young child, I accepted Christ as my personal Savior and began taking steps in my walk with Him. However, as I began to reach my preteens, I failed to see who God was to me personally. Several major changes occurred in my life during my junior year of high school, and I believed that not only had so many people abandoned me, but that God had abandoned me too. I failed to find satisfaction in the Christian life I was living; I didn’t think that Jesus Christ would bring me satisfaction, and so I began my search for something more.
I turned to entertainment, to books, to friends, to music to find my satisfaction. I began spiraling downward fast. The more I searched for satisfaction the emptier and emptier I got—this was not how it was supposed to happen! Over the next two years, I began to sink into a dark world. There was no happiness, no peace, and no satisfaction. I tried faking everyone out for a while, but I wasn’t fooling anyone. I began cutting myself off from my family and even my friends.
After high school, I decided to take a year off in order to decide what I was going to do with my life. I worked in public colleges in Dublin as a support worker to disabled students. I was surrounded by hundreds of people every day, and yet I never felt so alone. This was not the satisfying feeling I was looking for. My parents strongly encouraged me to go to Baptist College of Ministry for at least a year. Bible College was the last place I wanted to be. However, knowing that both my parents and my pastor really wanted me to go, knowing my best friend was going too, and realizing I would get to experience living in the USA for a year, I went. I didn’t realize what that “one year” would do for me.
During the first few days at BCM, I met people who were different. They had something real; something I knew I didn’t have. I couldn’t shake the reality that there were people who were satisfied, and I, after years of searching, still wasn’t. A few weeks into the school year, after one of the evening services, I decided I would give God a shot. Granted, it wasn’t a very spiritual decision; it wasn’t a big emotional decision. It was simply a decision to give God a chance to speak to me and to change my life. I was willing for Him to do something in me for the first time in a really long time. And He did. And I have never been the same.
It’s been a journey these past four years. I had so many issues to work through, so many surrenders I’ve had to make, but it has been worth it all. I have seen the goodness of God in a way I hadn’t before. I have seen Him use me, when I knew I didn’t deserve it. When I am at my weakest, I have seen God use me to touch others’ lives in a supernatural, totally-not-me way. I don’t know exactly what God has for me, but I know, without a doubt, that He is good all the time, and that He is absolutely worth serving.